[Newsletter] The Smartest Coach in the Room

The problem with toxic positivity

Every Saturday, The Smartest Coach in the Room delivers helpful takeaways on the hottest nutrition and health topics and the world’s most effective coaching techniques. (Did some amazing friend forward this to you? Subscribe here.)     Don’t Force the Silver Lining Whether you just stubbed your toe or lost your entire family in an avalanche, self-improvement gurus from the 90s and early 2000s drilled it into us:  “Find the silver lining! Stay positive! Everything happens for a reason!” (Twenty years later, we have “Good vibes only” posters, t-shirts, and neon signs to remind us.) While there’s nothing wrong with finding meaning—and even bright spots—amidst suffering, we now know: Contrived positivity can actually intensify the stress we experience. Plus, it can block us from recognizing problems, which stops us from solving them. Are you suffering from “toxic positivity”? Productive positive thinking can help you deal with and learn from the many complications life throws at you. That can help you feel capable and strong—and lead to growth. Toxic positivity, however, generally leads to stagnation. You’re not moving through challenges with courage and vulnerability, and you can get stuck in “I don’t have to deal with that because EVERYTHING’S FINE!” mode. More signs of toxic positivity: 🙅🏻‍♀️ You don’t permit yourself to experience or discuss difficult emotions such as anger or grief. 🙅🏿‍♂️ Repressed negative emotions leak out in other ways: muscle tension, vanishing wine bottles, explosions of rage when you can’t find your keys. 🙅‍♂️ You feel guilty when you experience negative emotions. (“I have no right to feel this. So many other people are suffering.”) 🙅‍♀️ When people around you struggle, you say things like, “Just look on the bright side.” 🙅🏽‍♀️ You start gratitude journals and hate them immediately. Toxic positivity can prevent client progress, too. It comes from a good place: Coaches stay the upbeat cheerleader because they want to see their clients succeed—and turn that frown upside down. However, clients may need low moments in order to make progress. In fact, most change comes from responding to pain—as in, the pain of not changing gets too strong to be ignored. Clients need people to be with them in that pain… but not necessarily push them out of it too quickly. Embrace ALL the feelz. 😵‍💫😭🤪🥸😡😌🤩😰😑😤😬🥱 Instead of canceling all vibes but the good ones, pay attention to your full range of emotions—especially the uncomfortable ones you wish you didn’t have to experience. When you notice a negative emotion, name it. This can be as simple as saying (out loud or inwardly): “I’m feeling angry” or “I’m so lonely right now.” Notice how that feeling lives in your body. Feeling restless? Jaw tight? Tears poking at your eyes? If the emotion had a voice, what would it say?  When negativity comes up with your clients, just sit with them, without judging or trying to change anything immediately.  You can also simply ask, “What’s this experience like for you?”  This question encourages clients to express what they’re going through, and it also gives you, the coach, a little more insight into how you might support them. When we feel empathetic support—from ourselves or from a coach—we’re more likely to process feelings appropriately, and move on. For more on toxic positivity—and how to feel more comfortable with the full human experience—read: The Positivity Trap P.S. Do you like this kind of deep work with clients? Then you might love our Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coaching Certification. This brand-new program is all about helping people improve not just their physical health, but also their mental and emotional health—so they can feel confident, calm, and more in control of their lives. (Our next session opens May 18—join the waitlist now and save up to 30%!)  Take care, Alex   Alex Picot-Annand, PN2, Holistic Nutritionist Senior Writer  Precision Nutrition  Home of the world’s top nutrition coaches     What did you think of this email?   Precision Nutrition Business Insider's #1 Choice for Nutrition Certifications in 2022 --- To view this email as a web page, click here. Precision Nutrition Inc. 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1801 Toronto, ON, M5E 1W7, Canada Finally, nutrition makes sense. Visit us at www.precisionnutrition.com today. Follow us on           Unsubscribe or Manage Preferences