By Daisy Hickman
As Mark Twain once noted: "Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation." Could there be a timelier suggestion? The art of conversation—talking with others to discuss ideas and issues in depth—is disappearing like icebergs melting around the globe.
Maybe I'm simply partial to "talking it over." I love to turn an intriguing topic upside down, rattle it around. I still see tremendous value in sharing experience and knowledge even if disagreement is inevitable. Thought-provoking dialogue, substantive and honest, also defuses the loneliness engendered by hectic, techno-based lifestyles seldom focused on meaningful human interaction.
Is this unfortunate trend—the waning of meaningful discourse—a cultural phenomenon—a societal circumstance brought about by social media, technology, and the pressures of contemporary life—or is something else fueling this dynamic? Turning to an earlier time, I sought clues.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1586), French writer and philosopher, was a lawyer turned writer, credited with inventing the essay form. The Complete Essays of Montaigne, first published in 1580, hasn't lost its relevance, a fact easily confirmed by a quick survey of online reviews. National Essay Day, February 28, was, in fact, established with Montaigne's birthdate.
Searching for truth when political, religious, and civil wars ran rampant because of the Calvinistic Reformation and Wars of Religion (1562-98), Montaigne rejected fanaticism, cruelty, and increasing religious persecutions to examine human nature instead. Writing from the Tower on his family estate, redesigned for reflection and study with an extensive library and abundant artwork, Montaigne penned the sentence that prompted me to learn more about him: "The most fruitful and natural exercise for our minds is, in my opinion, conversation."
One could infer, given the backdrop for his work, that the disconcerting civil wars in France hadn't been conducive to constructive discourse. Of course by the time disagreements turn violent, talking or negotiation has largely failed, and those involved are ready and willing to
take up arms out of extreme frustration or a desire to squelch all disagreeable thought and beneficial discourse. This scenario, however, can't help but remind me of what is occurring in the United States.
Montaigne, a distant, but insightful voice from the 16th century, was privy to the aftermath of the Renaissance in terms of the intellectualism, optimism, and celebrated "rebirth" of humanity that occurred after the Middle Ages. On several levels, don't we appear to be living in a similar time given the ongoing breakdown of civil discourse and constructive conversation? Not just in the political arena, either.
Coming to this topic with a background in sociology, specifically, complex organization, I've also observed that our modern-day society—culture and the individuals who comprise it—leans toward communication, as opposed to conversation. Like Twain's apt comparison, it seems that tossing barbs at each other, i.e., superficial communication, is replacing, or at least compromising, rational, humanistic discussion.
It's everywhere. Most of us are guilty of substituting a rushed two-sentence exchange for a healthy back and forth—an honest, inquisitive exchange of ideas—as though conversation isn't necessary or relevant any longer. Granted, attention spans have been under attack; it's commonplace for people to jump from one task to the next at lightning speed, while hoping to survive a chaotic balancing act dependent on the ability to do five or six things at once.
Yet, without an ability to discuss matters of interest and importance in a useful, dare I say respectful, manner, aren't we left with mere endurance as opposed to engagement? Where might this path lead? If we, as a collective, opt, by default or otherwise, to merely endure life, it won't be an inconsequential choice. Lifestyles built around endurance, instead of a citizenry invested and fully engaged in ways that are fruitful, even joyful, sound dreadful.
Meaningful human connection is linked to just about everything: mental health, happiness, finding a sense of purpose and direction, and the overarching ability to grow and evolve. If productive conversation is basically off the table in a significant number of circumstances, we can't help but compress, even diminish, our own worlds. Clearly, we won't be expanding them.
A fractured society lends itself to exploitation—manipulation, futile power struggles, and stymied growth—as disorganization and indecision flourish. Violence finds deep roots in
such darkness. But conversation, genuine and intentional, can bring us back from the brink.
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D.A. (Daisy) Hickman, an avid student of culture and society, writes to connect more deeply to the complexities of the human condition. Hickman's book titles include: A Happy Truth: Last Dogs Aren't Always Last, Ancients of the Earth: Poems of Time, The Silence of Morning: A Memoir of Time Undone, and Always Returning: The Wisdom of Place. She studied sociology (M.S.) at Iowa State University and completed her undergraduate work at Stephens College. She is at work on a collection of essays and a new poetry collection. Check out Hickman's blog at SunnyRoomStudio.com.
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